it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
