My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
