yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
