Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
