so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I will be naked everywhere
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
How does it feel to date your dad?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
