I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
