he thought i was a dude.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
