Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
