Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
