Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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