I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
