Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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