Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
