i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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