we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
