So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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