Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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