it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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