alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
