I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
