The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
