There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
