whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
