..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
