so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
