I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
