turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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