literally had 100 drinks last night.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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