dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
