I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
