R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
