I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
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