saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
