this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My vagina is officially offended.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
