i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
