I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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