He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
