at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
