Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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