Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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