you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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