Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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