wanna go halves on a baby?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Randomize
