this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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