Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Let's paint friendship bongs
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
