I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
