I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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