How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
