How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
