did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
